“Follow your fucking heart”. I love that phrase, thanks Christina Perri! haha. Gosh,
sometimes it’s just so fucking hard to do that though! I mean, I’ve always been a
very independent person, and I still am. I’m stubborn, but I am because I know
what I want and what will make me happy. I have yet to be wrong, And quite
honestly it pisses me off when somebody random tries to tell me otherwise. It took
me 20 years to find my true friends, and now I have the 2 greatest best friends in
the world. But I still put up walls. There’s that feeling you get about certain
things that you just keep hidden inside of you, behind about 50 solidly locked doors
all with non-existent keys, so that basically absolutely no one will ever know about
it. They may see something there sometimes, but you keep it hidden so well that
they just wonder, and decide to never ask. I’m doing that now for sure. I feel bad
when I do this, like I’m lying to those I care about most. But at the same time, it’s
for me, right? I should just go for it and hope it’s understood that it makes me
happy. I don’t know what I need to do.. I honestly do not know.
sometimes you have to make the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make in order to save the one thing you cherish the most.
sometimes you have to lose the job just to keep the girl.
sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone just to keep the boy.
sometimes you have to trust the universe more than your fear.
sometimes you have to let others think you’re crazy + not care at all.
sometimes you have to let go of judgement + let others just find their way.
sometimes you have to just follow your fucking heart.
A lot of people lately seemed surprised to hear that I’m living on my own with a real job. They just look at me like “you’re barely even 23?! that’s so unsual!” I guess it is when I stop and think about it. I never really thought it unusual though because I’ve always worked as much as possible. My situation graduating was a little different than most people my age. I graduated in May but I only had 1 class my last semester. So I got a full-time job. Stuck it out for a bit which led me to where I am today.
I knew I was ready to move out on my own not because I graduated but because I’m just a very independent person. I don’t like having to depend on other people. It’s just me, and right now that’s all I need. I’m at a point in my life where I’m chasing after my dreams. Growing up I never had any confidence in myself. I was very shy, very intimidated by others and just didn’t think certain dreams where in a realm of possible. But now…… I know they are, I just have to not let anybody keep me from chasing it.
Last night I was with my family and my grandpa said “you know, I’m very proud of you. You wanted to get on your own and you did it. You want to do things your way, and I understand that, I really do.” That meant a lot to me. It’s easy to fall into a comfort zone and let things be the same. And I did that for so long, until it finally became……uncomfortable. Because I knew that wasn’t me. Now here I am. :)
